We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
two words: eviction party
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
