i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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