hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
