I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
