i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
