shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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