i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My breasts were aching with rage.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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