Fine. I'll sleep in my office
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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