The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
