You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
