If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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