fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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