my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
