went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
