anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
