currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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