That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
