when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
