im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
BRING THE BAGELS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
