Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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