I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
