I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
