i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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