im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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