My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
