"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
