No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
