ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
