im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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