I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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