Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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