problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If I had your ass I would rule the world
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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