I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
The ass gains better be worth it
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