You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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