i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Randomize
