how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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