the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
