Whatcha textin bout Willis?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
