There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
