I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
