She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
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