If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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