Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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