Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bring me that man meat
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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