Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
