yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
