we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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