I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
