My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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