yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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