you mean i was at the winter classic?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
